Dear Charlotte Russe,
I absolutely love shopping at your store. Your clothes and accessories are extremely fashionable, and not to mention reasonably priced. Your workers do such a fantastic job at helping customers by asking to start a dressing room for them or if they need any sort of help. Your store and services have always gave me a good lasting impression. However, recently there has been some inconvenience on my last visit to your store on the November 22nd of this year. Everything was running smoothly and perfectly fine from the moment I set foot into the store 'til i left. I was greeted when i entered, asked for help and was not only assisted but also complimented. After I was done shopping, I paid for my things and left. Once I got home, I decided to try on my clothes since I didn't get a chance to try on anything since I was in a rush. It fit me perfectly, but I noticed that it felt a bit heavy on one side as if something were attached to my blouse. Come to find out, it was a security sensor. There still sensors on everything that I had purchased. The weird thing is that the security system that is set up in the very beginning of the store didn't beep when I walked out. I'm not bothered to much about the fact that I still had sensors on my clothes, but more concerned about the fact that it is possible for someone to steal clothes from your store. I didn't have the time to go all the way down to Pearlridge and get the sensors taken off at your store, but I was able to find another store closest to my area who had the same type of sensor. I think you should fix this problem by being more careful and observeative. Not just for your customers, but for the sake of your company. Thank you for your cooperation. I will continue shopping at your store regardless of this situation.
Sincerely,
Daryenne'Noel Ramirez
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Dary,
ReplyDeleteYour essay had a very good idea and it really showed your voice such as your concerns("but more concerned about the fact that it is possible for someone to steal clothes from your store"). But you do need more evidence and arguments to really make it a more stronger essay by giving more concerns or other reasons why keeping the sensors on the clothes could be a problem. Other than that you did really good.
-Marissa:)
Dary,
ReplyDeleteYou're a good kid, I bet most kids wouldn't write to Charlotte Russe about this. But anyway, your letter was structured was really good. You started off really nice and told them good things about their store. For example, "Your workers do such a fantastic job at helping customers by asking to start a dressing room for them or if they need any sort of help." Then you transitioned from compliments into your concern in a smooth way. You also had a great idea but I think you should have had more details. Maybe something about what you bought and how much it costed & maybe if it was a bit pricy (sp?) it would make it an even bigger concern, because if there are people who are actually stealing from Charlotte Russe because they know that the security sucks, it could cost them a lot. Oh and that too, maybe you should talk about costing them money and whatnot.
Don't forget to check your spelling & grammar when you do your revision. Good job.
-Charina